On Monday Babs and I went to the State Theatre to see a sneak preview of a new documentary. It was not easy to watch, but I recommend it.
Years ago I was the director of a mediation service. In the course of my work, I learned a lot about the ways that children are bullied at school, and on the bus, and in their own neighborhoods. And that is what this heart-rending film is about. (I am very bad at doing reviews, but you can learn more in this Detroit Free Press article by Kelly Hinds.)
Children who are being bullied need to have people on their side. If you witness bullying, or you hear about it, or you suspect it, please don’t remain silent. Stand up for the victims – and hold bullies to account. We’re the grown ups. That’s our job.
On the way home, Babs was telling me a good story about a friend of hers who has a beloved niece. They have a wonderful relationship. Babs said her friend was the little girl’s “significant elder.” I liked that a lot. A person can be a Significant Elder without being a parent or a grandparent or any other kind of relative. A person can be a Significant Elder by reaching out to a child, encouraging a child, protecting a child.
I think a child who has a Significant Elder has a powerful source of comfort in this hard world.
Torch Lake Views 
Ed LaFreniere
March 13, 2012
Great posting from the Bait Shop, Gerry. Good to raise consciousness. As one involved in workplace communications, I can tell you that the bullying doesn’t stop once kids get out of high school. Workplaces are filled with the same type of abhorrent behavior, driving victims to all manner of emotional, mental and physical ailments. An organization called the Workplace Bullying Institute has details. The parallels with childhood bullying are striking. Web: http://www.workplacebullying.org/
Here’s to fairness, respect and dignity to all!
Gerry
March 13, 2012
There’s something to be said for zero tolerance of abusive behavior of all kinds. I’m thinking we have all about had it with the tenor of our public discussion of late. Maybe it’s time to turn a new leaf, eh?
chris
March 13, 2012
What a great commentary!
I worked with “at-risk” kids at TBA before we bought the store.
I loved that job, so rewarding and yet heart breaking. We strived to help
the kids feel love, respect and pride in themselves.
Sadly tho, our time with them was only 3 hours a day and then they
went back to their other world…
I will be sure to watch the movie and thanks for telling us
Gerry
March 13, 2012
You’ll bring an interesting perspective to the movie, Chris. I’ll look forward to hearing what you think of it.
P.j. grath
March 14, 2012
That term “significant elder” has a really good ring. I remember different SE’s in my life at different times, and I want to tell Chris that each was important, though impermanent. I hope I have functioned as short-term SE for a few kids in my time, too. Thanks, Gerry.
Gerry
March 14, 2012
I have been thinking about some Significant Elders in my life, too. Bless ’em every one.
P.j. grath
March 14, 2012
Having a Significant Elder covers so much more than bullying, too. In fact, sometimes directly addressing a big issue or problem isn’t as important as the supportive friendship and encouragement to bloom.
Gerry
March 14, 2012
Works that way for all of us, doesn’t it? Char Lundy, an RN here in the Township who has a Parish Nurse ministry based at the First Congregational Church in Central Lake, says that one of the most important things her program does is to provide “ministry of presence.”
Dawn
March 14, 2012
Good idea, Significant Elder….I always thought the people in the city of Detroit that live on the streets where the kids walk to school should sit out on their porches during the time the kids are coming and going. Just being there might make some things not happen. But we can all find things to do to make the kids around us safer and happier. We just have to take responsibility.
Gerry
March 14, 2012
We did. And we had a sort of “block parent” program, with signs in the windows.
In any community children need to know that there are safe places for them to be. Schools should be safe places too, and so should the buses.
Nye
March 14, 2012
It’s a sad topic and especially for kids that couldn’t help themselves. And I’ve noticed that work place bully is also bad especially during this economic tough time.
Gerry
March 15, 2012
That’s an interesting observation. After Ed commented about this I began thinking about examples I’d witnessed myself. That mob mentality is not limited to children. Adults, too, can peck at each other until they draw blood.
shoreacres
March 15, 2012
Sometimes it’s hard for me to conceive of what life is like for children these days. My world was so different.Perhaps we had bullies, but the best example I can think of was the teasing twins Roy and Roger endured because of their red hair, freckles, and slight chubbiness. There was clique-ishness in high school, and snotty remarks, but we learned how to cope and went on.
It’s simply a fact – in my childhood, the world was safe. We played without supervision, but we knew to come home the minute the street lights came on. We walked to school. We rode our bikes to the park and walked the trestles. We had great battles with one another (crabapple wars in summer, snowballs in winter) but it never meant anything.
And always, the adults were there. We knew that if Mrs. X saw us stealing apples, Mom would know long before we got home. I knew that if the water in my wading pool was a little cool, the neighbors would be over with their kettle to warm it up. And always, The Teacher Was Right.
I’m rattling on, but imagine this: in our world, if we misbehaved in school, the teacher would write a note to our parents, and we would carry it home. Now that I think of it, that’s flat amazing.
Gerry
March 15, 2012
Seeing the film has made me rethink what life was like even in my distant youth. I don’t remember witnessing physical assaults, but I do remember that some kids were tormented by others, and that it went beyond teasing and casual cruelties. To my shame, I don’t particularly remember standing up for those kids, either. I think human beings in general make very bad decisions when we are afraid.
shoreacres
March 15, 2012
I’ve been thinking about this all day, and re-read the review. One thing that comes to mind: not only the children need help with this issue. The amount of bullying that I see going on in the media, in chat rooms, on internet forums and so on is abysmal.
I didn’t experience bullying behavior until I was well into adulthood. I wonder if anyone has explored the possibility that adults actually are teaching these behaviors to the kids?
Gerry
March 15, 2012
Oh yes, there is an astonishing amount of extremely loud, extremely bad behavior. I think your point is well taken. We are not being very good models for the kids, that’s for sure.
Kathleen Newman
March 16, 2012
Could a Significant Elder have a Significant Elder?
Gerry
March 16, 2012
I don’t know why not. I suppose at some point I will simply run out of people actually elderly enough to qualify in my particular case, but then I will explore the possibility of Significant Juniors. It takes a village, and our village is exceedingly varied.