First I saw the orange flamingos at the Elk Harbor restaurant. I figured something was up, but I thought it was harmless enough. Besides, we needed something to brighten things up around here during Mud Season. I put the flamingos on the TLV banner. The next week I saw a flock of them in front of someone’s house.
By the end of the week they had invaded the Blue Heron Gallery.
I went in and asked Dan Reszka to explain it all to me. Which he did. Gently.
It turns out that the flamingos appear in the dead of night, accompanied with a sort of reverse ransom note.
The person who has been “flocked” must call the secret number to request the removal of the flamingos–and by the way, a little donation to the Elk Rapids Schools would be nice. A fifty dollar donation purchases Anti-Flocking Insurance, guaranteeing that the flamingos will not reappear—this year. It also entitles the Flocking Victim to suggest another place where the flamingos might flock, thus insuring that sooner or later everyone in town has an opportunity to cough up.
People tend to lay low during flocking season, not wishing to attract Invasive Orange Flamingos to their premises. Most people anyway, Dan says, looking at me meaningfully. The coin drops. Gaaaah! I flocked myself!
Dan is very kind. He shows me all around the gallery, where there are an astonishing number of new works by Michigan artists. Turtles. Salamanders. Crooked trees. I’m saving the trees for their very own post, but here are some other excellent pieces.
I reflect on my self-inflicted flocking. Am I morally obligated to cough up? But suppose I pay the $50 for de-flocking and anti-flocking insurance. Who is to say that I will not forget–I forget everything, we all know that–and flock myself all over again???? I have to think this thing through very carefully. Perhaps I should replace the flamingos with an Asian Carp snacking on phragmites.
Maybe I’ll ask Babs and Katherine to advise me. Meanwhile I’m leaving the flamingos alone. You know how risky it is to undertake aggressive moves against invasive species. Next thing you know the treatment is worse than the disease. Maybe they’ll go away. The flamingos, not Babs and Katherine.
Torch Lake Views 
kiwidutch
May 8, 2011
I LOVE this fund raising idea! Ingenious, fun and brilliant! kudos on the night owls who stay up to put them in place. Sadly almost no-one has a front garden were we live, even businesses don’t. (darn)
Great that the money goes to a worthy cause… and hey, a little brightening up and a smile at this time of the year? …bonus!
margie
May 8, 2011
I LOVE pink flamingos! They could come & park them in my yard and I’d be happy to let them stay. Know where I can buy a bunch for cheap?
P.j. grath
May 8, 2011
True story? People are awfully inventive over on your side of the Bay. (I love that little blue lizard climbing into the coffee cup. Him I could live with. Her? Whatever.)
Sybil
May 8, 2011
What a wonderful fund raising idea ! Getting flocked ! Congratulations on your flocking ! I just love saying “flock, flock, flock” — it sounds so naughty !
Lauren
May 8, 2011
Well, that’s just FUN….and the schools win too. You look good flocked.
Gerry
May 8, 2011
Hello to all – Rob the Firefighter is on his way up and I have a ton of Mom-type chores to tend to, so here’s one big Reply. Thank you for dropping by and enjoying the story of the Great Self-Inflicted Flocking of 2011. It’s all true, and yes it is a great and goofy idea and thank you for saying it looks good on me, I think. Margie, be careful what you wish for . . .
Karma
May 8, 2011
Hey, someone has a sense of humor, that’s for sure. Although it is for a good cause, $50 seems a bit steep! Perhaps you can negotiate your unflocking, but be careful not to tell them to go flock themselves, LOL!
Gerry
May 8, 2011
I think that as I managed to flock myself, I can probably find a way to negotiate. Although I can be pretty hard on myself.
Dawn
May 8, 2011
Lovely idea!! Though I suppose if I did it here I’d just get some sort of littering ticket. Or something. Going to go see if the Blue Heron has a website now….
Gerry
May 8, 2011
I cannot believe I didn’t think to add a link. I have just remedied the oversight. Thanks Dawn!
uphilldowndale
May 9, 2011
I’m not sure about this way of fund raising, it feels a just a little ‘coercive’ LOL or is that as a result of my very English sensibilities?? 🙂 I do like the flamingos though, maybe I’d want them to stay.
Gerry
May 9, 2011
Secretly we all like flamingos. Particularly orange ones.
I see I have failed to convey the true spirit of the thing, which is to tease your friends unmercifully, but only the friends who would be inclined to contribute in any case. There’s a certain amount of cachet attached to being flocked. Not, of course, to flocking yourself out of ignorance. No, to that there is nothing attached but ridicule. Dear me, dear me.
It could, of course, be worse. We could drop teddy bears from the church belfrey.
uphilldowndale
May 9, 2011
Well that is a huge relief; I thought something might have got lost in translation.
To be fair the teddy bears did have parachutes, you know how soft we Brits are when it comes to furry animals.
Gerry
May 9, 2011
I do. It’s one of your fine qualities. (On the other hand, I suspect you can afford to be magnanimous because you do not have the Cowboy to test limits.)
coyote
May 9, 2011
Self-inflicted flocking. Tut tut. There are some churches in this region that do that. $50 does seem a bit steep, though.