Township will Rock

Torch Lake Township has ordered a 100-foot tall fiberglass rock to camouflage the telecommunications tower at its new Community Services Building (CSB). “The neighbors felt the tower was unsightly,” said an anonymous informant. “We decided to create a more natural appearance.” The rock, which will be larger than the CSB, is sure to become a landmark in Antrim County.

“We think this is great news,” said an employee in the County Parks and Recreation Department who asked not to be named. “We’re working with the township to design a climbing wall on one side of The Rock. In the winter, we hope to have an ice climbing wall in place, too. There will be a spectacular view from the top, so we hope to put in an observation deck.  It’ll be a four-season tourist attraction.”

A blue-ribbon committee of township residents will choose the final design. “We’ve decided against the Petoskey stone finish,” said one committee member, who asked not to be identified. “We figured the only way anyone would know what it was is if we kept it polished, and that was gonna cost way too much money.”

The township hopes that part of the cost to install The Rock might be defrayed by a promotional contract with a well-known insurance company. There is no truth to the rumor that the township will hold an annual Rock Festival to pay for upkeep.