I’m alert to the odder nooks and crannies of Torch Lake Township lore, so you can imagine my excitement when I found this on the internet (that paragon of accurate information):
WJML News – Monday, April 23, 2007. Naked People Stealing Firewood. Sounds like it might be the title for a book, right? It’s actually a tongue in cheek way Torch Lake Township officials refer to some of the complaints they receive about short-term renters and the impact they have on neighbors. 😯
I was on it like a woodpecker on carpenter ants – emailed Supervisor Bob Spencer at once. He answered “I’ve never heard of any such shenanigans. I suppose all things are possible.” Darn. Bet WJML can’t tell the difference between our Torch Lake Township – Big T – and the little-t townships surrounding the lake – Central Lake, Forest Home, Milton . . . those Torch Lake townships.
We don’t have short-term rentals in the Big T. Or naked people. Not allowed. We are a Zoned Community. Firewood, now, there’s lots of that. And you can keep your naked little paws off mine, buster.
Still in search of a story, I got to thinking about other myths about Torch Lake Township.
Myth #1: There is a huge unmet need for broadband service in Torch Lake Township. Now this is one I’ve always believed myself. I, after all, have an unmet need for broadband. Doesn’t everybody? Apparently not. Here is a picture of the vast crowd that turned out to discuss this burning issue at the township hall last week. Add a couple more who turned up a little later – and add me, of course – and we could still hold a meeting around my dining room table. In a pinch. OK, around Donna Lane’s dining room table. And the really funny part? All these other folks already have broadband. Yup. They’d like faster or more reliable or less expensive broadband, or a package that includes HDTV and VoIP, but they all have it. Sigh. Must rethink.
Myth #2: Riparian owners pay 96% of the taxes. According to figures compiled by Bob Spencer in preparation for budget workshops, riparian owners in Torch Lake Township pay 58% of the taxes. Of course, if we did have short-term renters in the Big T (and we’ve already established that we don’t), riparian owners would more than likely be responsible for letting ’em in, the naked little firewood thieves. So it’s only fair. 😎
Torch Lake Views 
Marilyn Cobb
March 6, 2008
Re: Myth #1 Broadband service
My husband and I are part of the unmet masses and would have attended the meeting, but we were out of town. We are so frustrated about Charter and the phone companies telling us that we are in a dead zone! Just because we have a lot of beautiful trees on our property, we have no option other than slower than molasses dial-up. I was encouraged about the governmental cooperative iniative and am hoping that something will come of it so please keep the information out in front of the news.
Gerry Sell
March 6, 2008
Marilyn, I’ll add you to the list of People With Dialup Disorder. I’ll try to make sense of information as I receive it, and pass it on in plain English rather than in technospeak. One day we’ll figure out how to get broadband – right about the time that some new technology is developed . . .